How Can Self-Awareness Help Me Grow as a Mom?

Can self-awareness help you grow as a mom? When you feel that something is not right in your life or within yourself you have taken the first step in changing your life for the better. 

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You have identified an issue. For example, the older your daughter gets, the less she listens to you.

You can see that you feel like a hamster in an uncontrolled wheel. When you find a way to articulate that feeling then you can do something about it. 

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 Self-awareness isn’t the end of the journey, it’s merely the beginning. 

What you need now is the self-awareness to recognize that you are more than just the actor in front of the camera in this movie, you are also the person sitting in the director’s chair. No one can do this but you.

 Self-reflection, introspection, and analysis will help you learn a lot about yourself. You will learn why you do the things you do and what it means about where you are. And that alone can give you a foundation to grow as a mom.

There’s a solution for all your struggles, challenges, and dysfunction that are hindering your life, it’s just waiting to be found. When you permit yourself to reflect, introspect, and analyze, you allow yourself the space to come up with new and creative solutions. Whether you are at your happiest or lowest point, there is a place for introspection. You can’t grow as a person until you take time to pause, reflect, introspect, analyze, and move forward. 

Introspection: What To Do And What Not To Do 

Do Not Obsess. Obsessing about you isn’t going to help you gain greater insights. It’s probably going to skew your results. Often, people who spend a lot of time in introspection end up with more anxiety and struggle more socially. The reason for this is they are doing it wrong. They have become more focused on themselves rather than themselves in the world. 

Do Not Ask Bad Questions. This is one of the ways that people get it wrong. Part of the introspection and analysis process is asking questions, but which questions? We tend to ask why a lot. That can be good advice, for other undertakings, but not for this one. If you’re searching for underlying causes or reasons for discontent or dissatisfaction with life, then why isn’t enough. 

When you ask why your brain churns out an obvious answer. So, armed with the answer you march forward believing you have cracked it but really you have not because the answer your brain provided you was based on your pre-existing beliefs. This is a natural human response, our motives tend to be in our unconscious mind. You have to dig deeper to get into it than just seizing on the obvious why. Instead of asking why, try asking what, who, or even when. 

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Let’s discuss the Process of Analyzing – it Can Help You Grow as a Mom

Focus On What Questions. Focus on what questions. Focus on what questions. The truth is you are not likely to know why when you first start to analyze what you do, so asking this may be futile. This is what introspection is for and eventually, we will learn the why, and this knowledge will facilitate the action we need to take to make changes.

Instead of asking yourself why do, I feel awful? Ask what is this I’m feeling? Instead of why did I do that?

Ask what made me do that? What did I get out of it?

What are the things missing from my life? What was I feeling before I…?

What makes it so hard for me to confront my friend who has betrayed me?

What elements of my life are problematic?

What people cause me stress?

What are my biggest challenges?

How do I deal with my feelings?

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How do I see this problem?

How does this problem make me feel?

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What do people keep doing that annoys me, bothers me, or frustrates me?

What are my greatest resentments?

What transgressions against me have I not forgiven? How does X make me feel about myself? 

If you are facing a specific recurring issue consider, what are the similarities between occurrences? What is the common denominator? How does this issue reflect my defects, for example, lack of confidence, or inability to deal with difficult feelings? What would be the ideal alternative scenario that would avoid this issue? 

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The Walk Down Memory Lane

When you’re starting with introspection for the first time, then you may want to hop into the way back machine to dig into your childhood. Often, a view of your childhood can help you understand more about who you are now. 

Ask yourself: 

  • What activities did you enjoy in your childhood? 
  • What career path were you once sure you would follow, but you didn’t? Why? 
  • If there was something you could do, money and opinions aside, what would it be?
  • What made you happy as a child? 
  • Looking back as an adult what was missing in your childhood?
  • What would you change about your upbringing?
  • How does your inner child feel?
  • How do you as an adult view your childhood?

What Is The Reward?

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Did you know that everything you do repeatedly in life your mind registers a reward or a payoff, this is what keeps you doing these things. The reward is not always positive in the normal sense, but often for those who have issues, a negative reward is a positive.

For example, if you don’t love or like yourself, it is rewarding to hear that being reinforced because it gratifies the belief you have about yourself. What is the payoff in this? What is the reward I am getting? These questions can often yield great insight. When you identify the reward, you get the opportunity to make connections between past experiences and your actions today. Typically, the reward of a dysfunctional behavior stems from the perception, mindset, or belief we acquired through some type of traumatic or negative experience. 

For example, a child who grows up in an alcoholic family is typically faced with chaos, drama, fear, lack of control, and other dysfunction. So, the adult child of an alcoholic’s life may be chaotic, dramatic, out of control, and dysfunctional. For that adult child, these are rewards as it is comfortable, normal, and reflective of what he or she is used to. The payoff is that adult-child knows how to navigate these waters, it’s their comfort zone, no matter how crazy it may seem to someone looking at it from the outside. 

Reflect On Negative And Traumatic Experiences

A very effective way of analyzing yourself and what you do is to reflect on negative and traumatic experiences in your life. Look to your past, think about an experience that impacted you greatly, and look at how what happened then is affecting you today. Growth as a mom and peace in your relationship with your daughter(s) can be an outcome of such courageous diving into yourself and what you have been through.

For example, that adult child of the alcoholic can reflect in detail on what happened in my childhood home? What did I learn from my childhood? What role did I play? What were the main feelings I experienced while growing up? Fear? Anger? Pain? What were the frustrations? How does what happened then affect me today? What perceptions or ideas were created by this experience in my mind? About myself? About life? About others?

Once such questions are answered, the adult child can start to make the connections and notice the parallels between their life growing up and their life today – how is my life now similar to then?

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How You Ask The Questions

There are two major benefits to opting for solution-focused questions. The first, is it reveals possible solutions to problems. The second, is that it boosts your confidence in how able you are to solve problems and dilemmas. 

Avoid asking problem-centered questions. For example, what trouble is facing me right now? Instead of this, frame your question with a goal in mind. What should my mother/daughter relationship look like in a month? It’s about solution-focused questions that make you feel good because problem-focused questions are deeply dissatisfying.

If you are dealing with a persistent problem, now is the time to use this learning to change your focus from problem to solution. You can ask what is a solution to this specific problem? Or what is the obstacle to get over this problem? When you have answers to such questions, you can move on to another what question – what is a way I can move toward making this solution happen? 

It Is Not All Negative – Bring on the Positive!

One thing to keep in mind is that introspection does not only yield the discovery of issues, dysfunction, and so called negative revelations. There are many positives about yourself and your life that you can become aware of through introspection as well.

Referring back to the example of that adult child of an alcoholic. We know that growing up in an alcoholic home has negative effects, but did you know that it can also yield many positive effects? For example, those adult children can be highly resilient and possess a large amount of inner strength as a result of living through and surviving a turbulent childhood. Those adult children may also possess extraordinary crisis resolution skills, and profound optimism since for many nothing in adulthood will be as bad as what they have already gone through as children. They may also be extraordinarily calm and focused when under pressure or stress.

Often when we go through hard times, crises, trauma, and dysfunction that create issues in our lives, those same events often facilitate a wide variety of skills, character traits, and positives that make us who we are today. Keep this in mind as you reflect and become self-aware, do not just look at the negative effects, but focus on the positives that may have come from your experiences and consider the totality of who you are as a result of those experiences.

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Growth as a Mom and Peace in Your Relationship with Your Daughter

Self-reflection, introspection, and analysis will help you learn a lot about you

You will learn why you do the things you do and what it means about where you are. Whether you are at your happiest or lowest point, there is a place for introspection. Don’t you want to know where your emotions are coming from? What is guiding you? You can’t grow as a person until you take time to pause, reflect, introspect, analyze, and move forward.

And until we take a good long honest look at ourself, we won’t find growth as a mom. or peace in our mother-daughter relationship.

Introspection Has To Influence Action

Deep introspection helps you get a handle on what you do, think, feel and any issues that you wish to resolve. There is no better way to get to the root of an issue. BUT you just can’t stop there. There is more work to do beyond the initial introspection and analysis. You have learned plenty, but now what do you do? The payoff doesn’t come until you identify what action you can take to make the proper changes. Once you have done the initial deep-dive introspection, you can make it a regular occurrence. There is a lot less work to do if you check-in with yourself often. It’s always wise to keep an eye on how things are progressing and touch base to ensure you’re still in harmony.

You can practice introspection all you want and still make no difference in your life because introspection alone is not enough. What is the point of observing and analyzing if you don’t do anything about the information you have gleaned or the secrets you have uncovered about yourself? Introspection without action is empty, it’s hollow and it’s meaningless.

Dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and struggles are all signs that something of value is at stake in your life. It’s something that needs attention, it is of worth, and in need of a rescue mission of some sort. If you want to keep it, then introspection will help you find what action to take to do so. If it’s time to let it go, well, introspection will help you find the right action there, too. You can’t get closure from anything until you take action. Action begets closure.

Can self-awareness help you grow as a mom? Yes, if you are willing to take action on what you have learned about yourself, through introspection.

The action you take is highly individualized and dependent on the issue at hand.

It is difficult to offer general advice in this area, but here are some key problem-solving options.

Talk with a therapist if the problem is fairly heavy and you need professional advice to help solve it. 12 Step programs offer meetings and support for a variety of topics, including co-dependency, adult children of alcoholics, love, and addiction, and many more. Journaling. Make a detailed plan on how you will resolve this issue.

Make a detailed plan on alternatives to replace current behavior patterns.

Make a plan to stop your usual cycles, patterns, and habits.

Begin to reprogram your mind towards the positive by using visualization, meditation, and positive affirmations.

Create a strong support system to help you deal with your issues.

Talk about your issues and ask for feedback and help from the support system in aiding you such as letting you know when you slip into old habits.

Use your profound Mom love to make the changes now.

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Stop blaming and take responsibility for yourself and your life today.

There are various apps that help with personal growth, and depending on the issues you are working on, they may be helpful to you. Gratitude Journal App, 43 Things which features a social community of goal-oriented people who help each other reach their goals, Mindbloom. This app is all about personal development where you can create a tree that’s branches represent all the things you want to work on. Lots of features in this one, Goals & Habits App tracks goals and progress, and lastly Lift, which is an app that visualizes goals and progress and offers support from your friends. 

Create a vision board. Use magazines and other photo sources to create a board that embodies the goal you are trying to reach, put it up at home where you can see it often.

Listen to motivational podcasts every morning. Online discussion boards and forums may be helpful. There are those that have thousands of members who are supportive and are dealing with the same issues as you. To begin read through some of the posts to make sure it is a quality forum.

As you casually share with your daughter what you are learning, you will find some of her armor coming down.

Experiences Shape People

Your identity is a collection of experiences and memories. The important factor to consider here is that you have the power to create your identity. There are some experiences that hold more sway, they are more influential and prominent than other experiences. If you were to think about the most experiences that impacted who you are you will probably think of recent ones simply because they are fresh in your mind. 

There is liberation in understanding you have so much control of your identity. You can be anyone you want. You can do anything you want. Why? You have the power to control your experiences. When you learn to leverage this power, your life will change positively.

You can start now by thinking of your identity as a constantly changing entity that is heavily influenced by your life experiences. There will always be circumstances, experiences, events, and situations that we have no control over. Therefore, by that token, those uncontrollable experiences have the opportunity to shape us no matter what. 

Every experience shapes who you are. How it shapes you comes down to your attitude, which is up to you. We’re all damaged. We’re all just trying to get through life as unscathed as possible. The key is understanding that we have the power to shape the experiences that shape us. 

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Become A Better You -Self-Awareness Can Grow You as a Mom

Right now, you can’t imagine the amount of work it will take to become a better you. Reality is the easiest place to start is by creating better experiences. You should seek positive experiences and allow those to help shape you into the person you want to be.

If we agree that our experiences contribute to who we are, then it makes perfect sense to think that curating our experiences will move us closer to being the people we would like to be. The role-models we would choose for our daughters!

Who are you right now? Who would you like to be? What experiences have you had recently? One single experience can result in a goal, it can lead to a new belief, it can even see a new desire emerge. A single memory can leave an imprint. It can leave you with a new intention. 

Even as you move forward and beyond these experiences, you don’t lose them. They’re still there. Why does this matter? Who cares? If you develop the right mindset, then you can gain greater control over curating your experiences to positively shape who you are. Stop blaming your actions on the idea that your core is your unchanging identity and embrace the fact that your core is influenced by your experiences. You have the power to change your actions, you have the power to change yourself, and all you have to do to do so is create better experiences. From there, you can learn how to manage the experiences you do have and look for the positive in every situation. 

Your identity is an amalgam of a variety of versions of yourself.

The you from just yesterday is not the same you as you are today. Of course, the you of one month or four years ago is nowhere near the person you are today. You change constantly. The shifts can be so small day-to-day that you don’t even realize it’s happening, but slowly and surely you are growing. Yes, your soul is the same and so is your body.

However, the rest of you has been shaped, molded by the experiences you have lived. Your passions have changed. Your desires have evolved. Even the knowledge you have learned has changed because as your experiences change you, they also change how you view the information you already know. Can self-awareness grow you as a mom?? You better believe it!!

Humans are sponges, we absorb all that is around us, all that happens to us, and our most traumatic and negative experiences typically leave the greatest scars. Your unique experiences shape you in all different ways. That’s why self-reflection and introspection are important tools for your personal growth journey. If you take the time to look at your past experiences to understand what made you who you are, it can not only be very enlightening it is also the road map for self-discovery and to a better you.

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You can use introspection To Explore Your Past Selves 

Think of introspection as a form of spring cleaning. By sifting through old memories and experiences you get a clearer sense of where you are, who you are, and who you would like to be in the future. Introspection helps you remain accountable and encourages you to take responsibility. 

Humans tend to resist introspection and self-reflection because no one wants to be reminded of all the mistakes they have made. No one needs a reminder of all their regrets. It’s hard. It’s not easy to look back on your past to dig in. Once you do practice introspection you will feel different. Why? Because you will be more cognizant of all the versions of you that have existed thus far. This type of introspection helps you find peace with all of your experiences, while also becoming mindful of who you are today. It’s about acceptance. 

And, maybe even more important is the fact that reflecting on your past is one of the best growing experiences because you can identify issues, patterns, and mindsets that prevent you from being your best self and living your best life. How can self-awareness grow you as a mom? By helping you identify your authentic self.

There are two ways to identify current issues from past experiences. 

Number one, you can Identify Issues You Experience Today then connect them to Past Experiences. You can learn about all the versions of yourself and how they have shaped you as you are now by identifying your issues as an adult and reflecting back to how your upbringing or adult experiences throughout your past contributed to such.

For example, Frank lacks confidence at work and in his personal life. If we look at his childhood and upbringing, we find this stems from the fact that his parents gave him the clear message that he is incapable of doing things right or making sound decisions. They did everything for him even as he grew into his late teens. This made Frank feel inadequate and created a lack of faith in himself and his abilities, so as an adult he lacks confidence, is afraid to try new things, and rarely chases after any goals because he does not believe in himself. 

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You can also gain insight by looking at issues the other way around.

So, consider deficits in your upbringing and/or negative life experiences and how they contributed to the issues that you need to work on today. 

For example, Susan’s father died tragically and suddenly in a car accident when she was 12 years old. The grief and loss she suffered were profound and this experience left a mark. As an adult, this significant event left many scars on Susan. When analyzing this experience from her past we discover connections to the dysfunction she suffers from today, which includes the inability to get too close to people for fear of losing them, pushing people away, struggles with romantic relationships, and the various effects of abandonment issues she still carries twenty years later. 

The Keys Of Self-Awareness Can Grow You as a Mom

Humans are diverse and complex. In order to become self-aware, we have to understand ourselves across many areas. The key areas include personality, values, habits, emotions, and psychological needs.

Personality.

Our personalities don’t shift that much when we learn about ourselves. The reality is that we are who we are, but there are little facets of our personality that can shift as we learn more about ourselves and grow. 

Values.

Do you have a good sense of your personal values? This is an important part of who you are. If you value family time but take a job that requires heavy travel and you rarely see your family, then you’re going to be miserable. Despite those values being so important we tend to lose sight of them in our daily lives.

With so many opportunities and issues arising daily, it’s easy to distract yourself. Unfortunately, this only results in focusing on low priority tasks instead of furthering your values. Self-awareness is an important part of knowing your values. 

Habits.

A habit is a behavior that you repeat, you do so automatically and routinely. In a perfect world, you’d possess positive habits that contribute to your growth and development as a person. Unfortunately, many habits do no such thing.

A lack of self-awareness here is dragging you further from who you envision yourself to be.

Needs.

We have a wide range of needs, from the basics like food, water, and shelter to the more complicated needs like affection, achievement, control, and self-actualization. One advantage of knowing which of these needs influences your behaviors most heavily is understanding how all of this influences our relationships. 

Emotions.

Finding self-awareness of your emotional state is important. You should know what you’re feeling, what causes these feelings, and how they influence your actions and thoughts. It will help you determine why something that once excites you doesn’t anymore and what you can do about that. Your emotions are your internal process and while it sounds simple, it’s complicated. 

Self-Awareness And Personal Growth 

Self-awareness is a useful tool for everyone, but it’s particularly helpful for anyone looking to identify skills gaps. If you want to grow, then you need to know where growth is required and how you can close the gap. 

Develop Skills.

Self-awareness helps you get an accurate sense of where you are, who you are, and that will assist you in determining how best you can improve and grow. 

Understanding Strengths & Weaknesses.

Self-awareness assists you in coping with weaknesses, whilst exploiting your strengths. For example, if you’re a big picture person, then you likely have a blind spot when it comes to the details. Instead of pushing on, you can turn to someone who is detail-oriented. They can help you tackle making big decisions and also give you a different perspective. All of which will make you a better decision-maker, a better person, and a better performer. 

Improve Decision-Making Skills.

The greater your sense of self-awareness, the more effective you will be as an intuitive decision-maker. When faced with a complex situation, you need your intuition. Self-awareness ensures you are so deeply connected with yourself that you trust your intuition and find it easy to let it guide you. You know you can trust your gut feeling, where others push it aside and assume it’s wrong (again). 

Stress-Management. 

If you’re in a job you dislike, then it’s probably causing you more stress than other jobs would. It’s easy to fall into a career that is incompatible with your personality. However, a lack of self-awareness will keep you trapped there. You won’t grow as a person, you won’t develop your skills because you hate it all so much why would you put more effort into it? You’re right. Why would you? Instead, you should be aware enough to recognize that you have to develop to move away from the job that’s causing you stress. This doesn’t just apply to your job either, it can be applied to relationships and other situations as well.

Motivation.

You can’t cope with poor outcomes and results if you can’t understand the cause. How can you improve your performance if you have no idea what behaviors contributed to the poor performance? It leaves you feeling helpless. However, with a measure of self-awareness, you can be empowered to find the problem and close the gap. It will do wonders for your motivation, as well as your performance. A greater sense of what makes you tick will also help you gain insight into what makes other people tick. This knowledge will help you grow as a person, and it will also arm you with the tools necessary to be an effective leader, whether it’s in your professional or personal life.

Personal growth always begins with self-awareness.

“Self-aware leaders strive for more than individual success. They want to use their expertise and passion to enact change on a large scale. In order to make a lasting difference, however, leaders must first use their sense of self-awareness to objectively determine areas they need to improve.”

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It means that you know your values, you know your personality, strengths, weaknesses, needs, emotions, and habits. You have a strong sense of who you are and that can be used to develop yourself personally.

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