The Types of Rejection and Fear of Rejection that We Deal With
Blessed Reject is primarily a resource and information on surviving and even thriving through times of severe and intense rejection. But we will also deal with lesser forms of rejection, which at times can be almost as debilitating for some of us. Fear of rejection plays into every type of rejection we face.
There is the Rejection Fear from Childhood
Few escape childhood without at least a few memories of being or feeling rejected. Some feel like their entire childhood was spent in rejection. Whatever the case is for you, it does affect you today.
How you dealt with rejection as a child will either make adult rejection more difficult or more comfortable to bear. Foremostly, we can endeavor to give our children tools to use when they are brushed off or spurned. But, did you learn those lessons in your childhood? Most of us just kind of get by, figuring life out as we go. And sometimes that works quite well, while other times it can cause us anguish.
A childhood guided through the nuances of subtleties of human interactions sounds excellent. But the reality is most parents are doing their best and get by from one crisis to the next. The downside of childhood rejection, just like every aspect of childhood is that what happens to us during our early years and what we decide to believe about what happened affects us for the rest of our lives.
Therefore, a child who is rejected grows up fearful of rejection. This can stunt growth and maturity. It can also cause us to make choices out of fear.
Daily Choices Fear of Rejection Genre
Often as adults, we find ourselves avoiding situations or asking questions due to a discomfort with what the outcome might be. We’d rather just forget the event or idea than risk a no answer.
In his book Rejection Proof, Jia Jiang takes us on an adventure with him where he purposely seeks out rejection for 100 days! Jiang points out that it is often our anticipation of rejection that is the hardest to bear.
See my book review 6 Reasons to You Need to Read this Book – Rejection Proof for further information on how Jiang’s project can change your perceptions about rejection and how you to can conquer the everyday fear of rejection that many, or maybe most of us struggle with.
Another thoughtful and insightful writer on the subject of rejection is Scott Allan. Allan is an inspiring voice in learning to live without fear, let go of the fear of rejection, and a bit of an inspiring you can accomplish your goals writer.
Letting go of our fear of rejection can lead us into a life lived abundantly and joyfully. I encourage you to read some of the books mentioned above.
Sudden, Intense, Personal, Severe Rejection Type
Often sudden, severe, and intensely personal, it is the most devastating rejection of all. This is a job loss, divorce, when your child won’t speak to you, or when your best friend walks away – overwhelming rejection. This is the apocalypse of rejection. But did you know that how we deal with our childhood sets us up for how well we can hope to survive the bigger, heavier type?
First, if as a child you were rejected (whether you were actually rejected or simply felt rejected) this is going to skew your view of life to some degree. This is neither wrong or right, just true.
Next, how you avoid or embrace the possibility of rejection on a daily basis also sets you up for how resilient you will be when hit with intense rejection.
How to Embrace Rejection and Stop Allowing it to Control Me
The fear of rejection needs to be dealt with in order to live a healthier, happier, more content life. By no means am I talking about becoming someone we are not. But rather, more fully embracing ourselves and letting go of our concern with how others perceive us.
For example, if I am not concerned with your opinion of me, your rejection of me will not devastate me. It might cause me slight discomfort but that will quickly dissipate.
Most meaningfully, we must remember that rejection is just someone’s opinion. How can someone else’s estimation be so hurtful-? By striving to accept that we are all unique individuals with our thoughts and ideas, and accepting that in each other, we permit ourselves to be free. So you don’t like me? Okay, you are allowed your opinion. I’m not going to adopt your view as my own.
Fight The Fear with Therapy of Your Own
While I did purchase the Rejection Therapy Game, I have yet to be brave enough to play it! And while I own Jiang’s Dare Me App, I rarely dare myself. I did, however, come up with a version of rejection therapy of my own that has been most helpful to me.
It is a simple game I play with myself on a daily basis – I don’t win every day, because I fail to get rejected every day. But when rejection comes, I get a point. And I pat myself on the back and think “Awesome! I am building my resilience!”
For anyone that struggles with what the world labels being ‘overly sensitive,’ this is a rewarding game. Being sensitive to subtle ways rejection enters our lives makes it easy to rack up points! Whether it is a friend being short with you, the room going silent when you enter, or the cashier ignoring you – you get points for it all!
In conclusion, it can be wonderfully empowering to embrace the power of small daily rejections to enable us to enjoy thicker skin and more content life.
Additional Resources for Processing
- Uninvited by Lisa Terkuerst
- The Intimate God by Tricia Martin
- Getting to Yes with Yourself by William Ury
- Rejection Proof by Jia Jiang
- Books on Self-Discipline by Martin Meadows
- Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend
- Embodying Forgiveness by L. Gregory Jones
2 thoughts on “Survive Rejection and the Fear of Rejection”
While I am not completely over my intense fear of rejection, each day I get better and realize that this life is worth living to the fullest. You don’t need to fear the future. It may not seem great right at the moment but I promise good things are coming. I have to tell myself this every day as life is like a mountain range. It has so many ups and downs. Some bigger than others.
I love the analogy of life being a mountain range! Peaks and valleys till the day we die! And lots of hiking between those two! Thanks for sharing.