Ten Red Flags that You are Stuck
1. You feel guilty about wanting to move on.
The pain has not resolved; the relationship’s not restored; others are still hurting. It just seems wrong to move on with your life.
You are allowed to change and grow. Don’t stay stuck to make anyone else happy. Be the example to all involved or watching.
Life does go on. Don’t have guilt about that. You can love and forgive where you are. No guilt allowed! It’s time to move on with your life – your new life.
2. You’re still fighting with yourself over what happened.
You are still dealing with the shock and bewilderment.
If you have not allowed yourself time to grieve and process you need to do that now.
If you have put your time, thoughts, introspection, forgiveness, repentance (if appropriate) and tears into processing and grieving, then it is time to move on.
Your energy is going in the wrong place. It happened, it’s over. Build the new normal now. Building your new life is the key to moving on.
3. You haven’t found a way to forgive the people who hurt you.
Nor have you looked inside yourself to see what changes you need to consider in yourself.
Forgiveness is not easy and usually does not come quickly or easily. After an excruciating rejection or betrayal, it will take some time to work out in your heart and brain. Please read Biblical Forgiveness? What they don’t tell you. It can really help you as your process your way to forgiveness.
Don’t allow yourself to stay stuck here. Live life anyway. Forgive over and over and over if you have to. But don’t wallow. Move on with your life today.
4. You think you’re moving on with your life, but you’re bringing a lot of baggage along.
That baggage is better left behind.
You need to forgive yourself. You need to let it go and focus on the now, the present. What’s your new normal going to look like? You get to choose. Choose today and begin the work of moving on with your life. Do some serious self-care.
5. You are trying too hard to mend fences or make others feel better.
Stop being nice, instead be friendly and confident. If you have taken responsibility for your actions, move on. It’s time.
Be willing to reconcile if and when they are ready to own their part – if appropriate.
Most significantly, you need to remove your rejector(s) from a place of importance in your heart.
Believe what they have shown you about themselves. You can’t change anyone but yourself. You can’t make others see how badly they have hurt you. And, most painfully, you can’t make them care.
Choose your new norm, your new life where they don’t own you or any piece of your heart.
I know, easier said than done. But you must move on with your life. It gets easier the more you move forward.
6. Bitterness has grown a root within you. It’s not possible to move on till the bitterness is gone.
You are not interested in new relationships or friendships; in fact, you have decided you don’t need anyone. No one is worth your time or heart. Are you even looking somewhat skewed at those who have stood by you?
You refuse to forgive or reconcile. You refuse to agree to disagree. As a matter of fact, you are quite happy in your bitterness. The wall around your heart makes you feel safe and secure.
Yeah, been there, felt that. Sadly, this is really far from moving on with your life. You, my dear, are stuck. And you are not winning. You are not growing or maturing. You are living scared and in fear. And guess what? I don’t blame you one little bit.
First, you need to recognize what you are doing and that it isn’t healthy or good for you or your psyche. Then you have to rip out that root of bitterness. The only way I know how to remove bitterness from one’s heart is through prayer and the Messiah’s grace and help. You can do this with His love.
7. Repetitive Obsessive thoughts – a definite sign of being stuck.
Are you so stuck that you can’t even grasp how stuck you are? Crazy stuck, right?
You find your brain going over and over the same thoughts, the same scenario, the same pain – and it is driving you crazy. You don’t want to think about this even one more time. But there appears to be a rut permanently etched in your brain, and all the pain fairies keep dancing in it. Ugh.
Okay, this is going to take serious work. But it is possible and very doable to overcome this obsessive thinking. Are you seeing a therapist? If not, that is the number one thing you need to do right away.
Second, I highly recommend you read or listen to Dr. Carolyn Leaf’s book Switch on Your Brain. Also, she has an app and an online program that I found incredibly helpful: 21 Day Detox. It is very reasonably priced.
Alarmingly, that’s another red flag you may be stuck. To move on with your life, you need to find a place of peace in your heart. A place that knows if you see ‘them’ you can be friendly and confident in who you are now. Or even a plan in your head that you will ignore them and not let them ruin your day. Whatever it takes, you can’t let this fear control you in any sort of way. Pray, forgive, move on. Make a plan for what you will do if you are in a position of dealing with ‘them’.
9. Still Trying to Prove that They are Wrong and You are Right
Perhaps, this is really important to you. You have been so unjustly treated you just want to correct the wrong. Sadly, it really doesn’t matter who was right and who was wrong. They aren’t listening, because they don’t care.
Move on with your life and lay it to rest. You know in your heart the reality of what went on. Hopefully, you have honestly spent some time on self-introspection and come to terms with yourself.
Now let them go, let them wallow in their self-righteousness if need be. It’s not on you.
10. Not living in the Moment. Not being Present. Forget it – move on with your life.
You’re missing out Girlfriend (no offense to any male readers). Life is right now. Now in the past. Not in the pain. Get out of the muck. Live today. Choose today. Life is so good, right where you are. Count your blessings. Seek the good that is right in front of you. Be confident and friendly and live your best life.
Additional Resources for Processing
- Uninvited by Lisa Terkuerst
- The Intimate God by Tricia Martin
- Getting to Yes with Yourself by William Ury
- Rejection Proof by Jia Jiang
- Books on Self-Discipline by Martin Meadows
- Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend
- Embodying Forgiveness by L. Gregory Jones
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