No hope? Not sure how to keep functioning?
Read these important tips to grow and thrive.
Essentials to overcoming loss, rejection and/or betrayal are several. For a more thorough understanding of the concepts and ideas I set forth here, please see A Powerful Path Overcoming.
PLEASE NOTE: SOME OF THE LINKS ARE AFFILIATE LINKS, WHICH MEANS AT NO EXTRA COST TO YOU, I MAY RECEIVE A SMALL COMMISSION IF YOU PURCHASE AN ITEM.
#1 The most essential element to overcoming may sound simple: Keep Breathing
Of course, this is simpler said than done. But if you are ready to overcome, this is the first commitment to make.
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of LessEssential: Essays by The Minimalists
Choose life, choose breath. In and out. All-day long.
Then wake up tomorrow and do it again.
This is essential to overcoming – self-care now.
If this seems dramatic and over the top to you, it is possible you have not had the trauma of dealing with sudden or severe loss, rejection, or betrayal.
Essential to overcoming emotional pain is the will to live and breathe.
Additionally, the art of breathing is also a good area to learn more about.
The Oxygen Advantage: Simple, Scientifically Proven Breathing Techniques to Help You Become Healthier, Slimmer, Faster, and FitterThe Breathing Book: Good Health and Vitality Through Essential Breath WorkBreathing: The Master Key to Self Healing
#2 Give Yourself the Gift of Compassion
This is essential to thriving: do not, I repeat, do not beat yourself up.
No doubt, your situation has already left you feeling like you were hit by a truck, right? I’m not saying you bear no responsibility for what has happened.
I am saying you need Grace, right now, from yourself. Yeah, you’re human. Self Compassion and Grace are necessary elements to overcoming and thriving.
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to YourselfThe Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and ThriveThe Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions
#3 Physical Self Care – Now
Likewise, self-care for your body is important. Are you in a pit, not sure how it is possible to keep going? Are you flat or devoid of all emotions or crying buckets?
If you are beyond overwhelmed, in shock, or otherwise suffering you must embrace the essential element of Extreme Self Care now.
Physical self-care is the first element. I’m not a medical professional and won’t attempt to advise on physical health. However, it can be much harder to overcome and thrive if you lose your health. Do what you gotta do to stay or get healthy. It’s a priority.
Dr. Carolyn Leaf in her article Toxic Thoughts states “Through an uncontrolled thought life, we create the conditions for illness; we make ourselves sick! Research shows that fear, all on its own, triggers more than 1,400 known physical and chemical responses and activates more than 30 different hormones. There are INTELLECTUAL and MEDICAL reasons to FORGIVE! Toxic waste generated by toxic thoughts causes the following illnesses: diabetes, cancer, asthma, skin problems, and allergies to name just a few”.
Daily Wellness Journal: A Physical Self Care PlannerTrigger Point Self-Care Manual: For Pain-Free MovementFat for Fuel: A Revolutionary Diet to Combat Cancer, Boost Brain Power, and Increase Your Energy
#4 Emotional Self Care
Did I mention that commitment to breathing yet? Okay, keep that going.
If you are dealing with sudden, severe loss, rejection, and/or betrayal you’re going to need support. And you’re going to need to be very patient with yourself. Additionally, you need to stay away from those that want to heap more pain or rejection on you. Additionally, those that want to judge your grieving.
Anyone that is set on making sure you see believe this is your fault needs to be avoided. You need to treat yourself with kid gloves right now and that involves allowing yourself to self-protect.
This is one aspect that will give you a sense of safety as you pursue healing. Check my review on *Boundaries for more tips on self-protecting.
The Onward Workbook: Daily Activities to Cultivate Your Emotional Resilience and ThriveThe Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of TraumaHealing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame
#5 Spiritual Self-Care, Essential to Overcoming
Immerse yourself in the Psalms. Indeed, cry, beseech your Creator for His will and direction. Rest in Him over and over.
This is a fundamental and important element to thrive, absolutely essential to overcoming. Put the time into resting and getting intimate with God.
Read Lisa Terkuest‘s book *Uninvited. It is not heavy reading. But it is deep and encouraging and she will hold your hand and remind you to keep breathing while guiding you to being an overcomer.
Another easy, but incredibly helpful read during a time when it is hard to even think clearly is Tricia Martin‘s The Intimate God.
Lysa Terkeurst – Uninvited Study Set (Book + Study Guide)The Intimate GodFour Gifts: Seeking Self-care for Heart, Soul, Mind, and StrengthDesiring God’s Will: Aligning Our Hearts with the Heart of God (The Spiritual Journey)It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered
#6 Sleep, Essential to Thriving
At the darkest hour of my personal story, I went through severe insomnia. I could not think clearly, I could not function, and I was useless to myself and others.
Figuring this out was an essential element in learning to thrive. Others may react by sleeping too much.
But sleep you must. Get help, from the doctor, a naturopath, whatever it takes. Sleep is essential to overcome. Don’t think you can get by without it. That will only make things worse.
Moreover, there are quite a few things that can help you get the essential sleep essential you so desperately need.
A *Luxury Mask, that is so easy and comfortable to wear, you can even open your eyes – no eyelash damage 😉
Amber Light Bulbs, Bedroom Night Light BulbSleep Eye Mask, 3D Contoured Sleeping MaskBedtime Tea for Stress and Anxiety Relief
#7 Others in the Fallout Zone – Helping Them Overcome
Consequently, your spouse, your children, your friends, and whoever else was caught in the crossfire or sudden loss with you may need your support now.
This can feel like too much. However, you can use their need as one of your essentials to overcome.
How? Getting our minds and hearts off ourselves is one of the best ways to thrive.
Be motivated to set an example of being an overcomer!
#8 Boundaries – set them early
Soon, we’ll start talking about responsibilities and forgiveness. But first, you need to understand and erect some Boundaries.
You need them now more than ever. And embracing the concept of Boundaries will give you the knowledge to live in healthy relationships and possibly help you to not end up in a situation like your current one again.
Without a doubt, boundaries are essential to overcoming!
Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your LifeBoundaries for Your Soul: How to Turn Your Overwhelming Thoughts and Feelings into Your Greatest AlliesBoundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children
#9 Forgiveness is Everything
Please take a few minutes to read through my post on Biblical Forgiveness? and consider the concepts I explore there.
Whatever route forgiveness takes you, it won’t be easy. But it is a crucial aspect as you are recovering and choosing to live a bigger and better life than ever before.
As we strive to forgive and let go of any bitterness, we need to explore the issue from many angles.
Embodying Forgiveness: A Theological AnalysisTotal ForgivenessThe Cost of Discipleship
Responsibility / Repentance – Essential to Overcoming?
Additionally, and this is an area that many of us struggle with – it is easy to be overly hard on yourself regarding whatever your real or perceived error was. On the other hand, it is human nature to be unwilling due to your pain, to acknowledge your responsibility.
Neither of these reactions will help you in prevailing over the hurt. If you are obsessing about how you could have handled your situation differently or how messed up you are or whatever negative self-talk you are indulging in, you need to stop.
If God can forgive, you need to forgive yourself. After all, who knows better? You? Or God?
However, if the idea of accepting any responsibility is making you cringe, please take this with a grain of salt. I don’t know your situation. I only know that my own repentance for my flawed behavior has set me free.
On the outside, you can’t see much fruit from my repentance, I’m still rejected, still treated as
Repentance: The First Word of the GospelRepentance: The Meaning and Practice of TeshuvahWhat Is Repentance?
#11 Brain Care an Overlooked Essential to Overcoming
Take every thought captive! Remind yourself that your mind can control your brain. I struggle pretty severely with obsessive thinking. Every unfair, confusing, false, gossiping, betraying, cowardly word or action that came against my family and/or me has been on repeat in my brain for over a year.
Ugh, like, seriously if thinking about it one hundred times didn’t help, why would the hundred and first time do any good?
Switch On Your Brain Curriculum KitThe Women’s Brain Book: The neuroscience of health, hormones and happinessGenius Consciousness – Super Nootropic Brain Booster Supplement
Without a doubt, the most helpful remedy for my obsessive thought processes has been Dr. Carolyn Leaf’s book *Switch on Your Brain… I’ve listened to the audio version twice, read the book, and completed the workbook. Additionally, I am currently using her 2 Neurocycle program.
#12 Be a Girly Girl or Go All Natural
In spite of what has happened, that is to
Rejection and betrayal are powerful blows to our confidence and self-esteem.
Consequently, it is time to love a new you. Be a new you.
For me, rejection gave me the freedom to stop caring about what others thought I should be, and become who I really am.
I had never really learned how to use
Self-care and overcoming are essential which gave me confidence and a creative outlet. and a boost to my confidence 🙂
Face with a Heart: Mastering Authentic Makeupjane iredale Pure & Simple Makeup Kit, MediumNatural Mineral Kit – No.3 St. Tropez
#13 Exercise & Eat Clean, Essentials to Overcoming
Yeah, I know, we all know movement and nutrition are of utmost importance. But how the heck do you make yourself accomplish these essentials to overcome when getting out of bed takes everything you’ve got? See #14
The 7-Minute Body Plan: Real Results in 7 Days Quick WorkoutsEating Clean: Budget-Friendly Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner Recipes28 Days of Clean Eating: The Healthy Way to Kick Dieting Forever
#14 Self-Discipline is Learnable!
Well, not me anyway! In truth, I run very low in self-efficacy – I have spent most of my life doubting myself and my abilities. I don’t believe I can, therefore I fail and prove myself correct. Again and again and again. Ugh.
Enter, my pal (okay, I don’t actually know him) Martin Meadows. Meadows has a whole cast of short books on the subject of self-discipline (click to read my review) filled with insight and wisdom. He will convince you that not only can you do it (whatever it is) but you will do it!
There are many other great books on self-discipline and habits available, but Meadow’s books are quick, easy to digest, and just make sense! There is no magic pill – but there are smart hacks.
Simple Self-Discipline Box SetThe Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control WorkThe Self-Discipline Blueprint
#15 Embracing Change to Overcome Rejection
Thus, the changes that come through trauma, rejection, and/or betrayal are hard-won changes.
In most cases, these changes will free you from the toxic relationship(s) you have been enmeshed in. This freedom opens the door to a whole new life. The life you were meant to live. The you that you are meant to be.
Rather than staying stuck in a pit, embrace this change as not just a ladder out of the shock and pain, but a golden ladder out of the bigger picture, where life was broken already, but maybe you didn’t realize to what degree or simply did not know how to repair it. Maybe your loyalty or humility kept you in a negative situation.
Embrace the change! What you are going through has unlocked a door that needed to be opened.
13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change,Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and LifeElastic: Unlocking Your Brain’s Ability to Embrace Change
#16 Live the New You – The Overcomer You!
Of course, you will walk through that door with your head held high!
This is your life and no one else’s.
Praise God for releasing you from situations and relationships you were no longer meant to be in.
Make and hold dear your *Boundaries!
#17 Thrive and Be Blessed
In conclusion, living free of toxicity, thriving in who you are – no longer living to please others is
Fully enjoy being you! You’re learning, you’re growing and stretching. Maturing and gaining wisdom. Feeling less judgemental of others.
You may be here already and if not, you will be one day not so far away. A day when you will truly know and believe that indeed, you are Blessed to be Rejected.
PLEASE NOTE: SOME OF THE LINKS ARE AFFILIATE LINKS, WHICH MEANS AT NO EXTRA COST TO YOU, I MAY RECEIVE A SMALL COMMISSION IF YOU PURCHASE AN ITEM.
KEEPS BLESSED REJECT RUNNING 🙂
29 thoughts on “17 Essentials to Overcoming Tips for Thriving”
Ahhhh……You are in inspiration my friend…….BIG HUG!
Thanks Elise! It makes me happy you are reading this! Did you see where I referred to my childhood best friend, in my Forthright post? That’s you!
I can agree with toxic thoughts (and people) leading to bad health. So much stress and physical health problems can be attributed to being around the wrong people.
Yeah, I am learning that for my own sanity I need to have strong boundaries around toxic people.
I used to get so overcome by stress and emotions that I really couldn’t function in my everyday life. I really wasn’t taking care of myself. Sleep is such an important aspect of your life. Once I stopped neglecting my sleeping needs I was able to really focus more and look where I could improve in other areas of my life.
That’s awesome! I’d love to hear more about how you approached getting more and better sleep. I struggle so much with sleep.
I think we often overlook the most simple things, like just breathing. Keeping it simple is key for those like myself who automatically focus on outward happenings, which then wear me down.
Yep, sounds like we might be similar ‘Overthinkers’ – which is exhausting!
Great article! I like how you separated the self-care into 3 categories: physical, emotional, and spiritual. I think a lot of times when we group them all together, we don’t actually find the “care” that we need.
I know when walls start crashing in on me, my go to is to rest physically, which may help with the emotional. I can be very emotional if I’m exhausted. But I agree with you that spending time with God, and allowing Him to help carry our burdens, can completely change our reaction to “poisonous people”.
Thanks, Cindra, I appreciate your insights here! Definitely agree that all self-care does not cure all three aspects; physical, spiritual and emotional. For example, a bubble bath with candles may relax me, but in general, it is not my go-to for finding God’s peace! Although, it is possible it could be a catalyst for some people I suppose.
We do need to be rested, probably in all three areas to really be ready to react with love and boundaries to people that are not healthy for us. What do you find the best way to get an emotional rest?
#11 So True!! Great tips!! I often ruminate on things that happened to me 10 years ago!! I think, wow I could have done this differently or why did this have to happen. So thank you for mentioning this, it’s so true like why keep having the same thoughts over and over if the first one didn’t help any!
I won’t even tell you the crazy things I did and said! It was not good. Not good at all!!
Oh yeah I’ve certianly done many crazy things too, ha. Sometimes I have dreams about it and it like triggers me all over again, but I gotta learn how to let it go!
Yep! For sure, a habit of moving on is where we can grow and bloom!
Right? That is exactly what makes me crazy – except it’s me doing it!!
Fear triggers 30 different hormones!? What!? I didn’t even know we had 30 hormones, LOL! #Stunned
Amazing how truly intricate and connected our souls/spirits/psyches and bodies are, huh?
Negative uncontrolled thoughts CAN totally cause illness – I am living proof. After a rough breakup in 2015, I started putting on weight, and then I found out I was pre-diabetic. This was a wakeup call for me. I did what it took and reversed this condition and got back down to my normal weight. I still struggle with sleep issues and negative thoughts, but it’s gotten a lot better. I am glad to have found this post because you mention things that I would have never thought of, like setting boundaries.
I love the Overcomer in you! The more we choose to Overcome our obstacles, the more joy and freedom we have. Blessings!
Exercise can do wonders. I was depressed for months, and refused to take medication. I started going to the gym everyday. All I can say is WOW, those endorphins are the real deal!
Yay! I know you’re so right and love it when I get in the groove and hate the struggle to get back in the groove!
I have just started getting into reading the Bible. I have put it off for so long. Thank you for mentioning Psalms. I have it bookmarked now 🙂
I love hearing that. Don’t ever believe we aren’t supposed to be emotional. Psalms is a beautiful example of how full of life and emotions God made us!
Is it too late to get support for rejection issues that happened in 2012? What if you feel like you’re over the issues. How can you be sure you’re over it?
Never too late! If your heart and brain are still dealing with it, part of you is still there. I think if you’re over it and you have moved on with life, you don’t find yourself ‘accidentally’ dwelling on it, you are probably good. I would add if you feel stronger because of what you went through, and as you have grown because of it – those are more positive signs. If you don’t feel quite there yet, I’d encourage you to talk to someone, try to get to the root of what elements about your situation still grieve you. Blessings!
#7! When I help someone else, other than myself, I actually FEEL better. I noticed this the other day when my friend was sick, and I was trying to help her figure out what was going on, I physically started feeling lighter and clearer headed. Usually, I have a lot of fatigue and anxiety due to an overactive mind (I internalize a lot).
I agree Olive if my heart and mind and body is concerned for someone else my pain is lessened.
Dr. Leaf is awesome!
She really is. I think I have kept my sanity because of her!