You’re in Shock and Profound Pain. Ready to thrive again? Rebound better than ever? Move on from the pain now? Let’s take a look at the path to overcoming rejection.
Where is the path to overcoming rejection? How do you get past the pain? Although overcoming rejection entails many facets, much painful work and is a very lonely process, you can use this guide to find the path that will help you breathe, adjust and take the first steps to recovery and eventually to a thriving life you never dreamed could be yours!
Please note that this article contains affiliate links. You can read my full disclosure at the bottom of the page.
What do you mean rejected? Personal, Social, Business or Perceived?
Indeed, this post (and blog) concentrates primarily on personal and social rejection, the damage and pain caused by such, and how to work through and process the injury. Begin the road to recovery from relationship (all types) rejection here.
If you are looking for a shorter post on the same subject, please try my 17 Essential Elements to Overcoming and Thriving.
Above all, know, you are not alone. Rejection is not a popular subject – for some reason 😉 and you may feel more alone and lost than ever. That’s why I have created this guide. You are not the first to be hit with the overwhelm of having people you love and trust reject you, and sadly you will not be the last. But we can learn how to get past the pain of rejection and betrayal.
Emotional Pain Causes Physical Pain – it’s a scientific fact
As such, you may be
As Dr. Susanne Babbel states in her article The Connections Between Emotional Stress, Trauma and Physical Pain,
“Often, physical pain functions to warn a person that there is still emotional work to be done, and it can also be a sign of unresolved trauma in the nervous system”.Psychologytoday.com
Should You Seek Help for Physical Manifestations from Emotional Trauma? YES!
Equally important to remember, if you are working through sudden, intense, unexpected or otherwise traumatic rejection is that it takes time and you should seek appropriate help for any physical or mental issues that you are dealing with. Talk with your primary care doctor about depression, insomnia, anxiety and any other reactions your mind and body are going through.
Remember, you may need professional help of various varieties to get through this time – it doesn’t mean you will always need intervention; in time you will find relief and alleviation from the issues. Getting help doesn’t mean you are weak – it means you are choosing to keep putting one foot in front of the other after having been knocked down. You may feel beaten, flat, squashed like a bug….or worse. It’s okay, it won’t last. Allow yourself the help you need to begin living again.
Rejection is a Real Loss – You Need to Grieve
In all fairness, no, rejection is not death, but it is a loss. Often a severe loss. A painful loss. A shocking loss. A loss that shakes the very core of who you are and how you perceive the world you live in. It can easily zap you of all confidence, you may feel unable or unwilling to trust anyone. Breathe precious F
I will never start a sentence with “My therapist…”
Shockingly, I have surprised myself many times when I hear myself saying things like “my therapist says…”. My medical doctor was the one that insisted I needed to see a therapist after literally not being able to sleep for 72 hours. I went somewhat begrudgingly, and now a year later, I must say I love therapy!
How often do you get someone’s undiluted attention to talk about whatever you want? It’s pretty awesome. You may think this an unnecessary component to regaining your health, or you may find it an integral part of finding your way back to life.
Stages of Grieving – Do I Have to?
In due time, you will want to read up some on the stages of grief, in that way, when you find yourself in anger or denial or despair you will be able to recognize that indeed – you are doing the work. There is only one way to the other side of what you are going through – and it is not around or over or under…it really is through it. Through the pain, the muck, the heartache…but through it, you must go.
For instance, you can begin the work with a Hands-on Project for Helping You Overcome Rejection.
It’s Okay to Need Time to Process Your Pain
Ordinarily, our culture treats happiness as a prerequisite to being labeled healthy. In days past; grief, fear, and other negative emotions were accepted as a part of life here on earth. Today getting past these emotions quickly is perceived as a requirement and feeling sad or hurt often is labeled as wallowing and even labeled as sin!
In her article, The Happiness Myth Dr. Carolyn Leaf states
You are Not Alone on the Path to Overcoming Rejection
Truly, please know this- at the very core of your heart – I am not a therapist or a psychologist, I am simply a person that has been through the pain of shocking and severe rejection. I am living on the other side of it today. I am grateful and blessed and better and yes!- happier than ever. But my heart aches for the pain of those in the beginning throes of dealing with intense rejection. Reach out through comments or my Contact Me page if you desire prayer or just to verify you really do have company. You will overcome.
Self-hate? Fear? Crushed?
Yep, there is a good chance you are or will work through each of these overwhelming emotions. And it is okay. It is often a part of the process. It seems to come with the journey to overcome.
Repentance and Forgiveness – ugh
To clarify, this is a hard element to write about. Moreover, each and every one of our situations is unique. Let me just share what I learned and you just take anything helpful to heart and ignore the rest, okay?
Bitterness – Get Away From Me! I Refuse to Allow You Any Part of Me!
In my post, Hands-On Project Help for Overcoming Rejection I share how I became aware of the bitterness growing in my heart and as a response chose to start actively processing my hurt and shock.
Indeed, as a part of this processing, I had to begin figuring out how to forgive those who had so callously trashed
me and my family’s hearts.
And so, I prayed, sought counsel, read and researched about forgiveness. And God gently brought me to a place where I was able to see, understand and acknowledge my part in their choice to reject my family and I. For me, forgiving those who had hurt us so deeply was possible only when I was able to repent of my wrongs towards them.
Hence, you may or may not have areas you need to acknowledge. And please understand, acknowledging those areas is between you and God and will be a blessing for you. He is able to mature you in these places. But, I warn you, your heartfelt repentance may be ignored or even reviled by those who have cast you off.
The Journey to Overcome Include Introspection
It has certainly been so in our case. But the peace I hold in my heart, knowing that I did my part towards reconciliation and restoration is a deep peace that enables me daily to rejoice and be free from the toxic bonds we had allowed ourselves to be bound up in.
And so, the more you can feel regret over your sin (whether it has to do with the trauma you are experiencing or other areas of your life) the more sense it will make to you to forgive. You will often hear that forgiveness is for you, not for your attacker – there is some truth in this, but it is too simplified I believe.
If you are a Jesus/Yeshua follower, you know that forgiveness is of utmost importance if you wish to be forgiven. Doesn’t make it easy. Just makes it true. It might take you years, or it might be
In What Does the Bible Say about Forgiveness, Alisa Nicaud shares “It’s amazing what God can accomplish through a person who chooses humility”.
Forgiving Does NOT Mean Things Go Back to What They Were
Boundaries the Key to Dealing with Your Rejector(s) in Real Life!
Furthermore, I implore you – use this opportunity to learn to erect healthy boundaries. Boundaries are a huge part of the healing process and will never be something you regret learning. Likewise, in her blog post, Setting Boundaries with Toxic People, Sharon Martin states;
“Boundaries make our expectations clear, so others know what to expect from us and how we want to be treated. Boundaries are the foundation for happy, healthy relationships.”Sharon Martin
In Henry Cloud and John Townsend’s emphatic work, ‘
I can forgive you for hurting me, but I really struggle to forgive you for hurting my child, my spouse…
Notwithstanding, it’s true, I’m still praying in this area. As I’ve had growth and relief from bitterness, this is an area that nullifies any hope of trust in the future. But! God can do all things – and if there is ever sincere sorrow from our betrayers – if ever they were to seek reconciliation – I do believe He can do all things. In my heart and theirs. But also, yours too, Friend!
As a side note, just like in a plane going down, you have to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help your loved ones. As a result, you are going to overcome, in part, because of your love for those that are hurting around you. You will breathe and help them to learn to breathe again also.
Rejection is a real trial, we must figure out how to depend on God to lead us down the path to overcome.
The Path to Overcoming can be Fraught with Anxiety and Obsessive Thoughts
Sounds like par to the course to me! Remember, you are not alone! Consequently, it is overwhelming how deeply life-changing severe rejection can be. Moreover, remind yourself that your reactions are not odd or out of whack – seek help, work the steps, pray. Finally, don’t ever give up. You’ll find lots of Resources here on Blessed Reject; some may not speak to you, some will. Keep moving forward, I promise, Thriving is coming!
Where the Journey to Overcome Leads
- New Hope
- Thriving Comes Through Self-Care
- Hope Enables You to Move On
- New Life
- Blessed to be You
- New Choices
- It’s All Good
Thriving is in Your Future, Freedom Too!
Equally important is believing this is true! You’re not a slacker! You’re doing the work! And Friend, it will pay off. You will look back and know it was worth it. You will have grown and embraced a
Self Care and Self Discipline: Keys to Healing
Likewise, you need hope for
- Achieve this for your loved ones
- Succeed to show “them”
- Do it for you
ou are growing stronger as you learn to overcome the devastating fallout of rejection. And self-care is where it starts.
Accordingly, here are some areas of self-care to begin embracing today (some may appear shallow, or even silly in light of the pain in your heart – prayerfully consider if a little lightness might be just the thing!).
Overcome the Pain with Self-Care -it is Part of the Journey
- Be a Girly-Girl, get a make-over, a new haircut/color, learn to care for your skin as if you matter. It’s not selfish to take care of you. It’s not wrong to enjoy being a woman. There is healing available in these small lovely self-care areas.
- Go on an adventure or two! What have you always wanted to do? Make it happen. Embrace life. Do it for you.
- Self-Discipline, if you don’t believe you have ‘enough’ if you have never felt like you are good at self-discipline this is one of the very best areas to really concentrate on as you choose to thrive. I highly, highly recommend all of Martin Meadow’s books on
Spiritual To Do List on the Path to Overcoming Rejection
- At these times of extreme difficulties, when pain throbs through every breath you take, this is the time to Trust and Obey.
- Allow Him who loves you the most carry you through.
- If you are not a follower of Jesus/Messiah and want to know more, I’d love to share. Contact me here.
- If you are already a believer, your pain may have shaken your faith, take it all to Him who created you, Precious Friend.
- Pray as you have never prayed before.
- Hang out in the Psalms.
- Reach out to safe people who can help under-gird you and hold you up in prayer and life in general.
- Let me know if you would like prayer.
Every Day Must Do’s of the Journey to Overcome
- Eat Clean
- Get Sunshine daily
- Find a way to get some headspace and solitude
- Consider daily meditation
- Don’t beat yourself up for not doing what you want to do. Give yourself a break. You are doing good, just to be functioning at all. If you are breathing, if you are working on processing your pain – you’re good. Believe it!
- Be kind to yourself.
P.S: Above all, please feel heard, please feel known, please feel cared for in whatever parts of this post speak to your heart. Praying for you as you begin or continue on your path to overcoming rejection and learning to thrive.
P.P.S: See more resources that are most helpful on your path to overcoming rejection here: Resources
- Uninvited by Lisa Terkuerst
- The Intimate God by Tricia Martin
- Getting to Yes with Yourself by William Ury
- Rejection Proof by Jia Jiang
- Books on Self-Discipline by Martin Meadows
- Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend
- Embodying Forgiveness by L. Gregory Jones
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