Book Review: Getting to Yes with Yourself

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How to Get What You Truly Want by William Ury

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What a great, unique book Getting to Yes with Yourself: How to Get What You Truly Want is! Consequently, it has been really helpful to me in allowing me to be me and at the same time feel more comfortable with others, no small trick!

I can sum up this delightful book pretty quickly: put yourself in your own shoes, listen to yourself and be kind to yourself! Sounds semi-reasonable, right? But, how?

Through the concept of identifying your own inner BATNA (Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement) we can come to a point of showing ourselves and others respect, regardless of the circumstances. Getting to Yes with Yourself uses this key idea to teach us how to get what we really want.

The BATNA is basically a solid commitment to yourself that you will take care of your needs, no matter what.

Cover of Getting to Yes

Some Key Take Aways

  • Stay in the present moment, it is the only place you actually have any power.
  • Show respect to all, and include even those being difficult.
  • Try a win-win approach by being the first to give.
  • Have an unconditional attitude or respect for yourself, life and others.
  • Daily practice.
  • Taking responsibility is the opposite of the blame game.


When we are faced with adversity, we can either blame others or life for our circumstances or we can become curious and ask ourselves what lesson life is bringing us…


…The only remedy I know for the wound of rejection and exclusion is the balm of recognition and acceptance – in other words, inclusion.

William Ury

Go to the Balcony

The Balcony – a place of calm, perspective and control in Getting to Yes with Yourself. A place to remove yourself to, in your mind, before you respond or react.

This by far is the most life changing part of the book for me. You need to read it to really understand and embrace it – I will give you my brief understanding.

Be in your own shoes first, really listen to yourself.

Listen to self with empathy – this is a huge part of extreme Self-care!

Uncover your underlying needs.

Take notes of emotions and thoughts.

Identify what is going on with you.

Name your thoughts, emotions, for example;
“Oh, howdy Inner Critic! Have a seat at the table!”

Consistently rely on self-observation – this is the foundation of self-mastery.

Cultivate your inner scientist -observe with detachment.

Don’t be harsh with yourself, instead think “Isn’t that curious”?

To observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.

Get know yourself, accept yourself.

As I mention in my post How to: A Powerful Path Past the Pain of Rejection; the only way past the pain is through. Getting to Yes with Yourself can help you on the trail through.

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