As a Mama of four delightful daughters and three terrific sons, I have indeed weathered a lot of parenting stages. I have read more parenting books than I can count. And through these experiences, I have realized how important a choice to become their role model is. And how much healing can happen when we do make that choice. Improving your mother-daughter relationship begins with self-introspection.
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Just what is the role model approach? It is about making an intentional choice to become the woman you would want your girls to follow as a role model. We bring the focus back on ourselves and our growth. We become intentional about what we are modeling for them – as we all know, they watch what we do – not what we say.
“When you tap into every experience and every aspect of it, you can gain clarity over your thinking and get a greater understanding of what matters to you. This is especially important as we desire to influence and create a strong mother/daughter relationship.”BlessedReject.com, Introspection and Self-Reflection; The First Steps to You
The reason this form of parenting can begin to heal relationships – is due to our letting go of setting ourselves as the all-knowing parent and engaging in life from a shoulder-to-shoulder perspective with our daughters. That doing life together aspect begins improving your mother-daughter relationship right away.
As they see, our hearts change, and experience fewer lectures and judgment from us – they soften. As we work on our personal development, we too soften towards our girls. Self-introspection is key.
Making a choice to work on becoming the role model you want for your child must start with the authenticity of introspection.
Self Introspection Begins with Observing Your Behaviors
Who am I? Whether out of exasperation, wonderment, sarcasm, or genuine curiosity, you’ve probably asked that question at one point or another. And you’re not alone. The world is somewhat obsessed with self-discovery.
There are therapists, clubs, groups, and techniques all dedicated to helping you find yourself. There’s so much information available to you, it might be hard to figure out where to start. But the first step on the road to self-discovery is introspection.
We can’t really understand where we need to grow and change until we undertake serious and genuine self-reflection. And for genuinely improving our mother daughter relationship this is a must.
What is Self Introspection?
It is often defined as, “the process of observing the workings of one’s own mind with a view to discovering the laws that govern the mind.” It comes from a Latin term meaning “to look within.” So introspection helps us see ourselves more clearly and understand ourselves better. How can this process help us with becoming the role model we want for our daughter and improving our relationship with our daughter?
Let’s say you’re on your way to a friend‘s house, and you get a little lost. If you call your friend to ask for directions, what’s the first thing he’ll ask you? Where are you? Why? Because it’s impossible to give you good directions without knowing your current location.
The same is true in life. We all have goals we want to achieve, the qualities we want to develop, and new things we want to learn. But we can’t reach those destinations if we have no idea who we are right now. Self-introspection is the door to knowing ourselves better; we just have to walk through it.
“It’s deep diving into your emotions, thoughts, motivations, and getting to the bottom of why you do the things you do. What is the why behind all these things you choose to say, do, act, and focus on?”Blessed Reject, Introspection and Self-Reflection; The First Steps to You
The Benefits of Introspection in Improving Mother-Daughter Relationships
How do we benefit from introspection? In what ways?
- Introspection can help you identify and get rid of harmful thinking.
- It can help you have a more positive view of yourself and others, including improving your relationship with your daughter..
- It’ll boost your confidence in tackling challenging problems.
- It contributes to healthier relationships.
- It’ll help you reach your goals.
Why It’s Hard ~ Self-introspection while improving your relationship with your daughter is not easy!
So if self-introspection is so tremendous and delivers so many benefits, why do many people struggle to do it? We live in an extremely fast-paced world. And because we’re deeply entrenched in the busyness of day-to-day living, most of us feel like we don’t have time for introspection.
We’re often exhausted and running on auto-pilot. The time we do have is spent stressing about the next thing on our to-do list. So what can you do?
Stop. Take a deep breath. And create just a little bit of space for yourself in your day, even if it’s only five minutes. Find a quiet place where you can think clearly without judging yourself. Remember, it is not about being down on yourself – it is about seeing yourself more honestly.
Try asking yourself one of the following:
- When I wake up in the morning, do I feel ready to take on the day?
- Am I reaching my personal goals?
- What concerns do I have about the future?
- Am I living the life I want?
- Do I have issues that interfere with my happiness?
- Do I need to put more effort into my relationships?
- Who am I?
- Am I stressing out about things that are beyond my control?
- Do I think about negative things before I fall asleep?
- Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?
- What’s most important to me?
- Am I someone I want my daughter to model herself after?
But what if those questions feel too big and overwhelming? What’s the starting point for an introspection beginner?
Introspection Begins with Observing Your Behaviors
What we say communicates only 7% of our meaning. 55% of communication is through body language, and the rest comes through our tone of voice. Even if you didn’t know the stats, you likely have learned through personal experience that there’s usually a lot going on behind the words a person says. But how can this help you learn more about yourself?
Try this three-tiered technique:
- How is your mind? What are you thinking about? Where is your attention focused right now? Notice and root out any self-judgment, unfavorable comparisons, or assumptions.
- How is your heart? How are you really feeling right now? And how are your emotions affecting you?
- How is your body? Are you tired, tense, or energized? What is your gut telling you?
It can be difficult to observe ourselves honestly, but it’s definitely worth the effort. The more we practice self-observation, the easier it will become.
Who am I? You might not feel like you can answer that question right now. But by making time for yourself and practicing self-observation, you’ll understand yourself better and experience all the benefits of introspection.
Improving Your Mother-Daughter Relationship will take Self Introspection
And that is good news. It is likely all your relationships will improve after some self-reflection. Indeed, when we set out to become the woman we would choose for our daughter’s role model, everyone wins.
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