How to Forgive Those that Hurt Your Family Members
If you are a mom, more than likely, you know exactly how difficult it is to forgive those that hurt your children. It is so much easier to forgive those that hurt us – but you brought pain to my child? Uh-aw. No. Just don’t even.
And yet, it happens. More frequently than we’d like to think. Of course, there are truly horrific ways people can hurt our children…please understand I am talking about something more common here. I’m talking about adult friends, teachers, and others with direct influence in our children’s lives that do or say incredibly selfish and hurtful things and just don’t care. At least not enough to refrain and not enough to apologize.
When Rejection Hits Home
For example, say your friend has decided, for whatever reason she no longer wants to be your friend. This can range from painful to completely devastating for you. But add in the backlash that her decision will have on your family. Now there’s anger.
Naturally, you loved her and trusted her. This love extended beyond your heart and encompassed your whole family’s heart. Maybe your kids saw her as a second mom of sorts. Maybe a close family friend. The memories alone are too numerous to count.
Your children and her children were practically raised together for Pete’s sake! You thought there was an implicit agreement to this relationship, not that there would never be issues, but that there would be grace and love and that communication would be utilized to work through any difficulties.
Taking Care of Your Wounded Companions
But you were wrong. And now your children are hurting and confused and wondering what they did wrong and why they aren’t loved anymore.
In my personal a group of my family’s closest adult friends (and to varying degrees mentors to my children) stepped out of our lives suddenly without explanation. Yeah. Pretty ugly, mean, and yes, devastating.
However, I reached forgiveness for the pain they caused me long before I reached forgiveness for the betrayal my children have endured. And, in all honesty, this is an ongoing struggle. This Mama’s bear heart for her babies is unrelenting.
Hence, when people reject you without thought for who will be caught in the crossfire they show their deep selfishness. Or perhaps it is cowardliness?
Forgive those that hurt even my Hubby?
Maybe your spouse is your wounded companion. Your heart aches for him. He is such a good man and you know that part of the rejection is petty jealousy. But his heart is hurt too and he so doesn’t deserve that.
Woe to those who attack thoughtlessly, to those that don’t care about the pain they cause.
and to those too timid to communicate like adults.
Personally, the most severe pain of being betrayed was seeing how keen our rejectors were to diminish us in our children’s sight. That, my friends, is true betrayal.
Okay, here comes the good part! Yes!
The wonderful, blessed, joy filled parts of being rejected.
First, #1, I have to put my God before my children. I have to trust with my whole being that He cares for them more than I do and if He allowed this to happen to them, who am I to question that?
Second, #2, not putting them first or before Him – my faith can’t be one way when it pertains to me and entirely different when it pertains to my loved ones. I either trust Him, or I don’t.
Additionally, #3, trusting Yah – He has them in His hands and has them all along. He will use this experience in their lives for good, for His purposes.
Next, #4, how to help our wounded child(ren), spouse, or other loved one? It’s really no different than what we need to be doing for ourselves, model the healing process, teach them self-care, provide tools, compassion, and grieve with them.
Further, #5, it’s their journey that they have to travel – they will reach their own conclusions and make their own choices as far as responses and reactions. That’s good because that means they have truly processed their pain!
Also, #6, It can be very motivating to get past your pain when you realize your children are going to take their cues from you. They can learn from you and you can learn from them.
Besides, #7, God really is good. All the time.
Forgiving those that Hurt Us – Only Through Him
I am so very glad that He gave us the opportunity to walk through this fire. We all feel rescued and free at this point. He did what we always ask Him to. His will. Guide us. Make us who He wants us to be. Protect us. Mold us. Make a clean heart in us.
I ain’t got no complaints. He is our good, good Father.
My children are doing great by the way. Any illusions, or should I say delusions, they had about adults being wise or having the answers have been cleared up. But that’s good and healthy, after all, we are all just people, trying and messing up. Most young people I know are wiser than the adults around them.
Forgiving those that hurt my children? Yep, what was meant for harm, Yah has turned to good.
We’ve learned to develop boundaries in a biblical sense. We are more confident, and less enslaved to the fear of what people think about us.
Having observed what people speaking falsely, covering anger with nice words brings forth.
We have seen the insidious results of gossip and know to never say to a third party what we do not plan to say to the person themselves.
Knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Scriptures are very clear on how to deal with conflict. We have lived the results of the Word being ignored.
And we have seen the Glorious works of Yah in our hearts as He has healed each one of us.
So, yeah, this Mama Bear is pretty cool with it. It’s all good.
He who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete it. Amen.